Just When You Think You Don't
The thing about God is, just when you think you don't need him, you do. Does that sound obvious? Because despite how clear it may seem right now, in the middle of a messy day, it is something that is hidden in the shadows. You need him, you need people, and you need to let go of the things you can't control. So what are you going to do about it?
I have this problem with action. With truly putting my words and dreams into action. I don't do it. That's my problem. I think when it comes to life, some things are harder than others, but lately, all things have been hard. I remember talking to my therapist in New York and thinking, it is all too hard. Depression was looming over me like a huge black rain cloud, the kind you see on those commercials for medication to treat depression. It was just like that, and it is just like that, again. When does it end? When are you free from it? I think, regrettably, the answer is; never. Because although, one day it might not be as bad, it will still be there. I think killing it isn't the right way to go about it. I think controlling it is a better option.
The past few days I have had an overwhelming feeling of depression and sadness roll over me. I was practically knocked unconscious by it yesterday. I started to feel sick and achey, and so I fell asleep. I woke up and there was still daylight out. There was hope for more. Yet, I killed the hope and stayed alone. I'm not quite sure what God is teaching me right now, but if I had to guess, I'd say it's how to be alone. And frankly, I'm not good at it. I tear myself to shreds and mock my self-doubting attitude. I'm a horrible person to myself. I am much better at loving others than I am at loving myself. What I am supposed to do to remedy this?
I was studying in the scriptures the other day, the first time in far too long, and I came across the story of the wise man and the foolish man. The wise man, builds his house upon a rock. The foolish man, builds his house upon the sand. When I was in the MTC one of the members of the branch presidency told us to teach this story before we taught the commandments. He drew a picture of a house up on a rock on a hill, and a house on the sand in a valley. He reminded us how the story went, the WIND and the RAIN beat upon the house, and then the FLOODS came up. He asked us, "Are you avoiding adversity? Or wading in it?" Because out of the three elements there is only one we can really control. The floods. And if our figurative houses are built upon a rock on a hill, what doesn't happen? Flooding.
So back to a remedy.
A plan, you have to have a plan. A safe, rock-of-a-plan. We are meant to be tried, to be uncomfortable and to grow, but we have to decide if we are going to avoid heaping adversity onto ourselves, or if we are going to raise our hands to the heavens and say, BRING IT ON. The thing is; either is difficult, one just lasts longer, you know... even after it stops raining.
So here is to another week! May we all try to avoid adversity by doing good things. Good things for ourselves, and for others.
I have this problem with action. With truly putting my words and dreams into action. I don't do it. That's my problem. I think when it comes to life, some things are harder than others, but lately, all things have been hard. I remember talking to my therapist in New York and thinking, it is all too hard. Depression was looming over me like a huge black rain cloud, the kind you see on those commercials for medication to treat depression. It was just like that, and it is just like that, again. When does it end? When are you free from it? I think, regrettably, the answer is; never. Because although, one day it might not be as bad, it will still be there. I think killing it isn't the right way to go about it. I think controlling it is a better option.
The past few days I have had an overwhelming feeling of depression and sadness roll over me. I was practically knocked unconscious by it yesterday. I started to feel sick and achey, and so I fell asleep. I woke up and there was still daylight out. There was hope for more. Yet, I killed the hope and stayed alone. I'm not quite sure what God is teaching me right now, but if I had to guess, I'd say it's how to be alone. And frankly, I'm not good at it. I tear myself to shreds and mock my self-doubting attitude. I'm a horrible person to myself. I am much better at loving others than I am at loving myself. What I am supposed to do to remedy this?
(You've got to choose a direction)
I was studying in the scriptures the other day, the first time in far too long, and I came across the story of the wise man and the foolish man. The wise man, builds his house upon a rock. The foolish man, builds his house upon the sand. When I was in the MTC one of the members of the branch presidency told us to teach this story before we taught the commandments. He drew a picture of a house up on a rock on a hill, and a house on the sand in a valley. He reminded us how the story went, the WIND and the RAIN beat upon the house, and then the FLOODS came up. He asked us, "Are you avoiding adversity? Or wading in it?" Because out of the three elements there is only one we can really control. The floods. And if our figurative houses are built upon a rock on a hill, what doesn't happen? Flooding.
So back to a remedy.
A plan, you have to have a plan. A safe, rock-of-a-plan. We are meant to be tried, to be uncomfortable and to grow, but we have to decide if we are going to avoid heaping adversity onto ourselves, or if we are going to raise our hands to the heavens and say, BRING IT ON. The thing is; either is difficult, one just lasts longer, you know... even after it stops raining.
So here is to another week! May we all try to avoid adversity by doing good things. Good things for ourselves, and for others.
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