I'm Not, Because I Know

I woke up this morning and walked out into the hallway. I could feel it before I had seen it. The sun was rising in the east like it always does, but today was different. I looked out the shutters to see a hot pink sky rising up above the tops of the houses. It was a glorious sunrise. One that makes you remember just how big the world is. Now, looking out of my window just an hour and a half later, the sky is grey. No sign of pink to be had anywhere. I feel like there is a lesson to be learned here.

Life is not perfect. I feel like I am reminded of that fact all-too-often. Maybe I have a pessimistic brain, but I know my heart doesn't feel that way. As sure as life isn't perfect, it is also true that there are perfect moments.

Yesterday I went to the temple with some friends. We attended the session in Spanish, and it was my first time. I love the Spanish language. It is so detailed and personal. But the perfection in the moment came when I was sitting in the Celestial Room (a room that represents heaven) and I had the thought, we make things so hard. In that moment, looking up at the beautiful crystal chandeliers and breathing in the peace that almost literally fills the air, I felt the answer to so many prayers I've prayed come. My friend leaned over to me and whispered, "How does anyone live without this?" and my immediate response was, "I have no idea."

To make my point, I feel as though my prayers were answered because I realized that through this hard time, I could be without out the gospel, but I'm not. I could be wondering if there were a higher being, or if God was punishing me with anxiety. I could be on the brink of depression or suicide because of all of it, but I'm not. I'm not, because I know.

I know God loves me. I know Christ gave up his life so that we can live in peace. I know that repentance is real. I know that families can be together forever. I know that love is waiting for me, and somewhere, some place, there is someone I can build forever with. I know that my children don't have to worry, because the gospel will hold them up. I know all of these things because of how I felt last night. Sitting there, overcome with peace, and the realization that, it could be much worse.

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