I'm not going to even pretend like I know what it would be like to be a Mom, because I don't. I hope that any of the Moms that read this, realize that I am just the same as they were before they were Moms, hoping to be the best. The thing is, my whole life feels drawn to that moment when I can look into the eyes of a child and know they are mine to care for. It seems like that is what everything is leading up to, every tough decision, bad mistake, good mistake, everything. Even though I am far away from achieving that goal, I think of it every-single-day.
I see the sometimes ridiculous struggles my sisters have with their kids;
No, you can't wear those shoes.
Please don't put that in your mouth.
We don't wipe our boogers on the table... and so on and so on.
Do you know what the response is every time? If you've ever been around anyone younger than eight you do... WHY? You see the little girl in the picture above? That is her favorite word. You can tell her exactly what she wants to hear and still, she will ask, why?
Their curiosity and questioning is GOLD. It is the reason why their innocence is a characteristic sought after by so many. It is the reason why God tells us to, "become as little children". Because they truly don't know, and they truly want to know. Yet, for however magical it is, it can become SO ANNOYING. Why? WHY? WHY!? WHY!?- WHY NOT??! I say to them, WHY NOT!? Maybe I don't shout, but I am definitely not patient.
Right now, the idea of being a Mom is just that, an idea. In the same realm as an idea there are goals that must be achieved. I need to be more patient, more kind, question less, be humble, let go of pride and the list goes on. I look at the Mothers in my life and I see so much that I can emulate. I see consistency, faith, fun, patience, and long-suffering. The soul of a Mother has to be a steady filter of mercy and justice, continually balancing the good and evil that exists in the lives of their little ones.
So here is a letter to those kids that I haven't got yet. The ones waiting to come down and begin their journey. Here is a letter to the loves of my life, my joys and my pains, my everythings'.
Dear Loves,
I hope you know I try to love God more than anything else in the world. I hope you see my faith and are buoyed up by it when you are low. I hope that somehow I get better at praying, and communicating with the God that gives us life, and that will one day give you to me.
I can't wait to meet you and show you all the good things that happen in this test of life. How it sometimes rains when the sun is out, and how the mountains look when the sun sets on them just so. I want you to see the beauty in the desert and learn to draw life from the rocks and ridges that it contains. Oh how happy you will be when you taste ice cream, and learn how good chocolate can be! I can't wait to share in your happiness when life gives you blessings and you recognize them right away.
Then when life gets tough, and you feel like giving in. I hope that you will let me be there to show you just how amazing grace is. How the cracks in your soul can be filled-to-overflowing with peace, just by giving your problems to the Lord. Now, in these times, I am 100% sure I will want to take your problems on for myself. I will want to be the one suffering instead of you. But such is life, to live, on your own. Please don't ever hesitate to ask for help. Because I will love you more than you will ever know.
I promise that in this time without you here I will get better at preparing for your arrival. I promise to, be more patient, to listen to the words and the feelings that come out of peoples mouths and try and see things their way. I once read a book where a woman talked about how she stopped telling her children no. When they said, "I'm afraid of the dark". She didn't just dismiss it and tell them, "No you aren't, there is nothing to be afraid of." Instead, she said, "What makes you scared?" Feelings are important, and I promise to make them a priority.
I promise to be more adventurous, and overcome my anxiety to learn new things, so I can teach you all about them. I promise to figure out who I am, and be her. I promise all these things with all my blog readers as witnesses. So that you might have a Mom who can love you with all of her heart and soul, because the best deserve the best.
Love,
Mom
I hope you enjoyed my post today, if you did, please share your feelings in the comments! I'd love to see who's reading!
Comments
Post a Comment