Frustration & Consistency
When I get really frustrated, I cry. There really is no going back or undoing it once it starts. Today at work I had such a long day. It was a lot of running around and driving and it just took its toll on me. I was so incredibly tired all day long which I think was a side affect of taking melatonin last night to help me sleep better. I slept better, but I also felt like a drunk sailor the entire day. Don't ask me how I know what that feels like. Just watch Hook.
I finally took my seat at work and as soon as my butt hit the chair I started to remember my long list of tasks to be done. With the boss going out of town the next day, I needed things approved so that my work load could diminish. Unfortunately in the approval process of something super simple, it all just got twisted around. Recently I've found that I haven't been able to communicate very well with my boss. It's like every word I say comes out backwards and he just looks at me with a blank stare, then yells. Maybe to him it isn't yelling, but when I hear him, it's all I hear. Yelling and disapproval. So as soon as he left the office, I cried. It has been so hard to stay at this job. I like doing what I'm doing, to an extent. I just don't like the way I feel.
"Perfectionism is the highest form of self-abuse." - said someone really smart.
That's a quote that I have on my mirror in my bathroom, along with many others. I am a perfectionist to the highest and lowest degree. Let me explain... I want everything to be perfect, I want to understand the process behind everything, and do everything by myself. However, when things get too busy, I let little things slip and don't care, I move too quickly and am careless when I'm on a deadline, and I procrastinate to no end. Bottom line; I don't work well under pressure. It's not that I need years and years to do something, it's just that I need the desire to want to consistently do one thing until it's finished. That's something I just don't have. I want to be consistent, but consistency is boring!
I guess what it all comes down to is pride. Am I going to keep my pride and hurt myself? Or am I going to just do what I have the time for and do it all the best I can, consistently?
I finally took my seat at work and as soon as my butt hit the chair I started to remember my long list of tasks to be done. With the boss going out of town the next day, I needed things approved so that my work load could diminish. Unfortunately in the approval process of something super simple, it all just got twisted around. Recently I've found that I haven't been able to communicate very well with my boss. It's like every word I say comes out backwards and he just looks at me with a blank stare, then yells. Maybe to him it isn't yelling, but when I hear him, it's all I hear. Yelling and disapproval. So as soon as he left the office, I cried. It has been so hard to stay at this job. I like doing what I'm doing, to an extent. I just don't like the way I feel.
"Perfectionism is the highest form of self-abuse." - said someone really smart.
That's a quote that I have on my mirror in my bathroom, along with many others. I am a perfectionist to the highest and lowest degree. Let me explain... I want everything to be perfect, I want to understand the process behind everything, and do everything by myself. However, when things get too busy, I let little things slip and don't care, I move too quickly and am careless when I'm on a deadline, and I procrastinate to no end. Bottom line; I don't work well under pressure. It's not that I need years and years to do something, it's just that I need the desire to want to consistently do one thing until it's finished. That's something I just don't have. I want to be consistent, but consistency is boring!
I guess what it all comes down to is pride. Am I going to keep my pride and hurt myself? Or am I going to just do what I have the time for and do it all the best I can, consistently?
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