I Won't Give Up

I didn't dare try to express myself properly. I fidgeted with my shirt, looked anywhere but his eyes, it was a moment of truth. I couldn't promise anything. There was nothing in my heart that told me I could do it. I came to realize that my heart works differently. He wanted me to give him a clear shot, a "yes of course". I couldn't do that. When I say my heart works differently I mean that I don't feel it the same way that others do. Love is a big thing, I get it. Romeo and Juliet didn't have it easy. They had to kill each other to get their point across. Love for me is an opening in my soul that expands longer and wider until it can fit the whole feeling inside. When I said I couldn't promise anything, I was closing off.

This is unlike all of that. This is much different. Everyday I wake up I feel my heart grow. I can feel it get bigger. It doesn't mean that it's bulletproof, to be honest, I'm not sure I believe there is such a thing. The best way I can explain it is that I am like a building under construction. The scaffolding is going up, the foundation is stable and the structure is rapidly increasing in strength and height. They have these long plastic sheets covering the holes for when the rain comes, so that the inside doesn't get ruined. Sometimes those sheets run ragged in the wind, trailing out and letting in the elements. I ache for the warmth of the sun, when the weather is not good, I long for that light. All my strength is going into finishing the structure.

Love is an awesome thing. It's a strengthening and building concept. It's not perfect, and it sure isn't easy. All types of love make us work. Whether you work for the love of a parent, a sibling, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a child... you know that love is work. It makes you happy, it makes you sad, it worries you beyond all measure. But it's worth it. Every hour you log, every minute you spend.. is worth it.