Suspension

Sometimes, I want to just cry and cry. I want to cry because I feel so lost, I feel so lonely. I want to cry because I want my friend back. (I want that boy back too) Crying seems like the only thing that could help my empty little heart. Maybe if I just flooded myself with tears my world would crash into itself and mold together into something great. A mosaic of things as they were and as they are to be.

I'd love to just stretch forth my arms towards the sky and just scream, and cry, and feel my heart fight for life in my chest. Feel myself break down to pieces and be just fine with the outcome. I long for that feeling of ship-wreck of abandon, of total and complete shut down.

Because the feeling of suspense, of floating lifeless, is so under-whelming. (Is that a word?) I feel as though my body has been sketched out into air, bone by bone, each seperately swaying in the balance. My eyes and ears floating vertically towards the other. Every piece separate but together with tension. Oh, that feeling of suspense. The same you get when out of the blue the chills run up and down your spine.

If my body could just crash to the ground and creep up into position again. If I could just shake free the net of suspension, of defying gravity and fall.

Just sometimes...