Let the Work Begin

It's not like I had never thought of it before. I had, in public, in private. It has been a not-so-secret wish of mine for some time now. You see, I'm not an expert on the spirit, or promptings. (I just don't take that much credit.) I have always been the one to hop on and off the bus taking me somewhere because of a slight feeling, or an inclination towards home. I don't think I necessarily switch buses just to return home, I think I switch buses because the spirit tells me to. So when I say I'm not an expert, I mean, I'm not sure if every-time I switched directions, I was meant to.

I wanted more than anything a year ago, to serve. I was so excited when I came home to start prepping and getting ready. Then I hit a not-so-hidden wall, that I had always been hitting. Kind of the same as a cartoon character slamming it's head against a pole. On the throwback of my head I knew the contact with the wall would hurt, but I did it anyways. Then, as soon as a break would come and I would look to my right and see a clearer sky, I would retreat from the wall, then be stopped again.

So as I watched girl after girl, boy after boy, "take up their beds and walk", I began to dream again. I dreamt of home, and with each passing day became more and more home-sick. I knew what I needed to do, but because I had started and stopped, and turned around so many times, I was afraid. I am now humbled greatly. I know that I am nothing as to myself. I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. I wasn't even close to ready. There were things I needed to learn and trials I needed to go through to get me here, to make me smarter.



Putting the plan in motion has been exciting. It's been a whirlwind of emotion, and most of all a test of patience. Have I not learned that everything is within the timing of God? Have I not gained that sure knowledge that he will usher me in to my dreams, if I but cling to his commandments? You would think I have. Yet, with each passing day I understand more and more how little control I have over timing. It makes me angry, it makes me sad, it makes me feel like I am lost and wandering without a guide. Turning your life to the Lord is not easy. "If someone is looking for a church that requires very little, this is not the one. It is not easy to be a Latter-day Saint, but in the long run it is the only true course."- President Boyd K. Packer

I have found my greatest comfort comes when I am learning about Christ. I have found that peace comes when I am nearer to the Spirit of God. I have found that there is nothing I long for more, than to share the truth of the gospel with others. I don't care where I go, as long as I go. The road there will be difficult, and not without it's short-comings. The time spent serving will be the best education, service, and act of love, I may ever commit myself to in the next few years. It will be great, it will be good, because God is good.

In the end, if it's my time to serve a mission, it's my time. If the Lord has different plans for me along the way, I will dedicate myself to those plans. For now though, and for the next little while, I will be preparing to serve an 18 month mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I start my application papers tomorrow. I AM SO EXCITED!