Laced Together, Torn Apart

I walked into the room and could automatically feel his eyes searching my face. I knew he was there somewhere, a friend had told me he was coming, because I was aware of his presence my facial expressions became over-exaggerated. I lengthened my stride while I walked, and I avoided making eye contact with him. As I came up to a semi-circle of friends, I folded my arms across my chest, my fingers digging tightly to my biceps. The last time we saw each other, I was standing the same way in a dimly lit parking lot. We were saying goodbye and I was trying to be encouraging. "Things will be great," I said, kicking the air, "you will have so much fun!" When in my head I was actually on my knees begging him not to go. I had finally found someone I was one-hundred percent comfortable with, and he was leaving.

So as I stood there half-listening to my friends quoting youtube videos, I was chanting to myself; "Don't look! Forget he is here! Laugh really loud and seem super happy!" Of course in reality I was happy. His leaving didn't crush my world, but it did send me reeling for a couple of weeks. I just wanted him next to me, and from what I knew, that wasn't a crime, to want. From time to time I remembered the fun we had and thought, "Why couldn't it last? What was so wrong with me being completely happy?" God doesn't make mistakes. He has a plan, and I have true faith in that plan. I just sometimes don't really understand it. And I say that because God is in everything, and I'm not afraid or shy to talk about him in this type of context. He is the shaper of my destiny. What happened next was unexpected, really unexpected.

I started to tell a story about a video I saw and just as the words were coming out of my mouth he appeared at my side. "Sam!" I shouted, much louder than was necessary. He slid his arm around my waist and pulled me into him. I fit directly into the shape of him. I was immediately sheltered by his stature, we fit perfectly together. He swept his other arm around the other side of me and embraced me in a full bear hug. For a moment, I was stiff, then I succumbed to his hold, and rested my head just across his shoulder and collar bone. "I missed you so much." he said, loud enough for everyone to hear, "Where have you been all my life!" An exaggeration lightly used between the two of us. I couldn't really find the words to say, but suddenly words didn't matter anymore. I was a mute, and lovingly so.

Time went into fast forward. We walked around the room mingling with different friends. My arm around his waist, his arm over my shoulder, our outside hands meeting in the middle, laced together tight. He spoke to each and every one of our friends. Telling them all how much he missed me. I held tightly to him wearing what I'm sure was the biggest, dorkiest, smile on my face. I felt like I dropped into a fairytale. Moments later we were walking down a familiar street, listening to the sprinklers switch on and off. We spoke little, and if we did we talked only about silly things like food network and spartan verse ninja wars. There wasn't a dire need to talk about the time and space that separated us prior to this night. We had it all right then, and we weren't about to waste our time talking about sadness.

Then, just as quickly as the time sped up to this moment, it reversed. We were walking backwards, through the park our words jumbled up in reverse order. We stood in our group of friends, hands were unlacing, arms separating, the space between was getting greater. I walked backwards out of the room I had walked forward into. My subsiding fears rose again into great waves of panic and stress and I heard a small chirping coming from the dark space in time I had fallen into. My eyes felt like they were glued shut, and when I finally opened them again I looked up to see the ceiling of my room. Just as I had left it, when I drifted off to sleep.