Remembering My Dream

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Sad story: There is a man at my work who has five children and he is probably one of the hardest workers I know. Sometimes I think, that he works too hard, too much. About a month ago he brought his oldest son in to work with him. His oldest son is a trouble maker, and needed to come to work with his dad so he would maybe stay out of trouble. While he was here, he was acting really weird and would not talk. That isn't normal from him. We thought that maybe he was on drugs because of the way he was acting. His dad was getting really worried, and took him to the emergency room to get him drug-tested. (The boy wasn't talking to anyone, not even his dad, he wouldn't say anything) The test came back drug-free, but he was still acting really weird and started to look really sick. A few days ago I found out that he had to enroll his son into a psychiatric hospital. He has been there for over two weeks, and they cannot find anything wrong with him.

This story relays through my mind everytime I see this man. Whenever I talk to him, he catches me up on how his son is. It is so incredbly sad to me that just all of a sudden, your child is completely mute. Not only mute, but different too. Everything about him is different, he is not himself.

I know without a doubt that the proudest and most accomplished moment I will have in my life, will be when I have children. I do not have to be married, or dating someone to know that. The simple fact that God will be entrusting me with one of his children, blows me away. How could I, someone who is so impatient and selfish, be rewarded with such a gift? How? I really do not know every detail into how, or why exactly, but I do know that God has great plans for me and he has faith in me. I must have faith in God and his plan for me, whatever it may be.

I write this post to remind myself of something I have been pushing aside lately, my longing for motherhood. As of late, I have been being a total brat when it comes to dating, or thinking about marraige and children. When all along, that is what I have really wanted. I am not like all the other girls who have dreams of careers and grand adventures. Although I would not mind a grand adventure, but that is besides the point. I am a dreamer of teaching my children about God, crafts, education, and family. I am a dreamer of an eternal companionship between me and my spouse, and our entire family (big or small). I need to remember my dream, and better myself to a point where, when the time comes, I can be at least a little bit prepared.

Here is to love. The kind of love that surpasses all trails and roadblocks. The kind of love that doesn't look at the problems, but the blessings. I love, love and I don't care what it does to me...