As Far As I Can Tell
As I walked into school today, this girl from my Sociology class yelled from her car window to me, "Class is canceled!" Seriously? That is lame. Because not only was I planning on not coming to school today at all, I was running late on purpose, so I didn't have to sit through the first 10 minutes of class. Then, I get here and I have an hour and a half before my next class starts. LAME. So seriously lame. I really should be doing homework, since I have all this abundance of time, but alas.. I am not. I am writing a blog post.
JUST HEAR ME OUT...
Do you have songs that you don't listen to very often? The type of songs that hold a bunch of bad old memories for you, but you keep them on your iPod anyways? Ones that you know can make you instantly sad, just by hearing the first few lines? I have those. They put me into a trance; a funk. I'm not exactly sure why I don't delete them. They are so counterproductive. Especially when, you don't want to feel sad, but that song or that artist, is the only thing you want to listen to. That's how I am with Rocky Votolato, he reminds me of Frank.
Last night all the LDS Young Single Adults in Las Vegas were invited to go rollerblading at the Crystal Palace. I don't know how to rollerblade. So, of course, I didn't. People told me I should, but I was just so scared of falling that I couldn't get myself to do it. By the time I had worked up enough courage to do it, it was already 9 o'clock. I wanted to cry.
I didn't used to be like this. Did I? I don't remember me not getting up from my seat, or my set of friends the entire night. - Which I didn't by the way. I let other people come to me, and I didn't meet one new person the entire night. - I feel like, at some point in my past I was the type of person who introduced herself to anyone and everyone. Now, I don't know what it is, but I think there is something holding me back.
My heart is kind of hurt. Sort of the feeling when someone tells you they will be there for you, then they aren't. My heart hurts like that.
I hate to say it, but I am waiting for other people to catch up to me. I'm waiting for others to get to the point where they can ride along with me. Which isn't right, because then I will fall behind. I look back on times when I just let myself go ahead and didn't care what other people where doing, and didn't let it hold me back. Those times where the times of biggest accomplishment in my life.
Examples could be, when I ran for Senior Class President and won. Or when I decided to move to Logan, and made over 80 friends in my first week there. The time when I lived in Provo and decided to hang out with different people, and I did, then I got a relationship that built a part of me... oh man, a part of me, I can never forget. Those are the times I'm thinking about.
Last week sometime I had a "hint" into the minds of others, that my constant facebook status updates about running, my blogging about running, and my talking about running, were not appreciated. An "obsession", yeah I will admit that it is sort of an obsession. It's something I've always wanted to do though, and I finally have the gumption to do it, and I don't really care if others find it annoying or useless. Of course I didn't come tot hat conclusion alone. I called my Mom from work that same night in tears because I felt like I had no support. She asked me if I were doing it for them, or if I were doing it for myself. I couldn't exactly answer the question, so I just listened to her tell me what I needed to hear.
"You are a great girl, a happy girl. You need to stop waiting for other people and just do what makes you happy. You can't wait to have more friends when so and so get's home. You need to get out there and do what you want. We support you, and you know that." Those weren't her exact words, but you get the point.
The bottom line is that, I get this way all the time. I let other people define who I am. You're "so and so's friend", or "you hang out with those people don't you?". Yes, I do.. and they are great. But they aren't me, so my name is Shelby and it's fantastic to meet you.
JUST HEAR ME OUT...
Do you have songs that you don't listen to very often? The type of songs that hold a bunch of bad old memories for you, but you keep them on your iPod anyways? Ones that you know can make you instantly sad, just by hearing the first few lines? I have those. They put me into a trance; a funk. I'm not exactly sure why I don't delete them. They are so counterproductive. Especially when, you don't want to feel sad, but that song or that artist, is the only thing you want to listen to. That's how I am with Rocky Votolato, he reminds me of Frank.
Last night all the LDS Young Single Adults in Las Vegas were invited to go rollerblading at the Crystal Palace. I don't know how to rollerblade. So, of course, I didn't. People told me I should, but I was just so scared of falling that I couldn't get myself to do it. By the time I had worked up enough courage to do it, it was already 9 o'clock. I wanted to cry.
I didn't used to be like this. Did I? I don't remember me not getting up from my seat, or my set of friends the entire night. - Which I didn't by the way. I let other people come to me, and I didn't meet one new person the entire night. - I feel like, at some point in my past I was the type of person who introduced herself to anyone and everyone. Now, I don't know what it is, but I think there is something holding me back.
My heart is kind of hurt. Sort of the feeling when someone tells you they will be there for you, then they aren't. My heart hurts like that.
I hate to say it, but I am waiting for other people to catch up to me. I'm waiting for others to get to the point where they can ride along with me. Which isn't right, because then I will fall behind. I look back on times when I just let myself go ahead and didn't care what other people where doing, and didn't let it hold me back. Those times where the times of biggest accomplishment in my life.
Examples could be, when I ran for Senior Class President and won. Or when I decided to move to Logan, and made over 80 friends in my first week there. The time when I lived in Provo and decided to hang out with different people, and I did, then I got a relationship that built a part of me... oh man, a part of me, I can never forget. Those are the times I'm thinking about.
Last week sometime I had a "hint" into the minds of others, that my constant facebook status updates about running, my blogging about running, and my talking about running, were not appreciated. An "obsession", yeah I will admit that it is sort of an obsession. It's something I've always wanted to do though, and I finally have the gumption to do it, and I don't really care if others find it annoying or useless. Of course I didn't come tot hat conclusion alone. I called my Mom from work that same night in tears because I felt like I had no support. She asked me if I were doing it for them, or if I were doing it for myself. I couldn't exactly answer the question, so I just listened to her tell me what I needed to hear.
"You are a great girl, a happy girl. You need to stop waiting for other people and just do what makes you happy. You can't wait to have more friends when so and so get's home. You need to get out there and do what you want. We support you, and you know that." Those weren't her exact words, but you get the point.
The bottom line is that, I get this way all the time. I let other people define who I am. You're "so and so's friend", or "you hang out with those people don't you?". Yes, I do.. and they are great. But they aren't me, so my name is Shelby and it's fantastic to meet you.
Um I love that you talk so much about running. It makes me want to be a better runner.
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