No Stress, No Stress?

A few mornings ago, I had a total meltdown about life. I think it's sort of healthy to have them, it makes you snap back into reality afterwards. I went out running with my dog Auzzie. She wouldn't listen to me, or stay by my side, she kept tripping me and coming to complete stops out of no where. I was so angry at her, why was she slowing me down? Why was she acting so horribly? Normally, she is a good walker and she loves to run, why won't she run now? I started to scream, and curse. The meltdown was beginning and I could feel it progressing with every step. I was supposed to go 2 and a half miles that day. I made it to 2 and had to quit. I walked up the drive way to my house cussing up a storm. As soon as I stepped inside I broke. I was bawling crying, I wanted to just crawl up in a corner and sleep for the rest of my life.

"I'm a failure."
"I have no skills"
"I haven't accomplished anything."
"I don't have an education"
"Everyone else is doing something with their lives"
"I look like a complete IDIOT."

My Mom told me to stop crying and to just do what makes me happy. Because it doesn't matter what other's think, or what other's do, I'm not someone else, I'm ME. I just need to make myself happy.

I tend to take too much on all at once. I also always seem to forget how stressful the beginning of the year is. Resolutions galore, trying to make everything new and clean and fresh. I make so many plans that I get really frustrated with myself when I can't live up to them, you know, when I fail miserbly. This year I made some serious resolutions to myself that I am really, really trying hard to not break.

On Tuesday, I start college again. I am so scared. I'm scared that I will procrastinate, and be a horrible student again. I'm scared that I won't achieve straight A's like I've told myself that I'm going to.

I have written it in stone that I will run a half marathon this year. If it kills me, I'm going to do it. Training is going well, I've been running 5 days a week for 2 weeks. In those two weeks I have ran/walked a little over 20 miles. Who would have thought I would be tracking my running miles? Not me. Yesterday, I skipped a day of  Physique57 and I felt horrible all day. I tried to dance around with Alix outside of Yogurtland and I was winded, to say the least. I HATE BEING WINDED. Physique57 helps me remember my goals, and it's helping me achieve them. I love it.

Anyways, this week has been crazy. Full of emotion, full of serious consideration, and a lot of work. I can feel myself starting to stress out, and that's not good. I just need to chill the rest of this weekend, and the fact that I'm getting off work in 2 hours really helps!