A Pillar of Salt

You know in the bible, when God tells Lot and his family to leave Sodom and Gomorrah? He tells them to pack up their stuff and go, because the city is going to be destroyed with brimstone and fire. So they are leaving and as they are walking away, Lot's wife looks back and she is turned into a pillar of salt. Now, you could think.. oh, it's just the punishment for looking back.. she shouldn't have. It wasn't just the physical looking back though, she TURNED back. She longed, with her heart to be there. The comforts of home, the things she was doing there, she longed for that. Now, Sodom and Gomorrah was not some quaint little city. It was the big leagues of evil and corruption, it was TROUBLE. God had good reason to tell them to leave. He did it, because he had so much more planned for them.

At first glance, you are like.. well if GOD told you to walk out of this city, full of destruction and ruin, DO IT. He is GOD. Right? Well, it's not that easy. It never is. It applies in our lives that we live now. I have standards set for myself that I won't compromise. Like, watching rated R movies, or drinking alcohol. I just don't do those things, no matter what. I've turned away from those things and am on a better path. Like how Lot's wife would have been if she wouldn't have looked back.

It's not just sinful things though. It's not just murder, or vanity, or jealousy. It's not just those things in my opinion. I have been a lot like Lot's wife lately. In the way that I keep looking to the past wanting to be there. I think of Provo, and Logan, and all the other situations in my life and wish to be back there. I wish that I could do those things over again, so badly... that I am stuck in the "right now". I'm not moving forward because I keep fantasizing about the past.

I made the decision to not be with "thisboy" (click the label) and ever since I have done that I keep going back and torturing myself over what I did and what I said. When, in the moment that I made the decision to end things, it was the right decision. BUT NOW, I am just stuck looking back like Lot's wife, as a pillar of salt.

I romanticize the past. I make it look a lot better then it was. You could say I wear rose-colored lenses when I think of the past. When really, I should move on and be something better. Somethings that people say are this: The past is to be learned from, not lived in. If something is buried in the past, leave it buried... what our Father in Heaven pleads for is cleanliness and kindness and happiness and healing. God has great things in store for each of us.

It is so true. God has so much more planned for me. Out of all the great and novel ideas I have for myself, God has better. Out of all the dreams I could dream of, being happy and in bliss. God has better. He wants for none of us to suffer, to be still, not moving forward. In our moments of trial and tribulation he wants us to move forward towards him. Oh my, there is so much I could say about this but I will just finish with this.

I am done being stuck in the past. I am sorry, and I wish I could make other's understand that, and know that I am incredibly crushed for what I did to them. I wish other people whom I have harmed in anyway, could understand the sorrow I feel for what I did. How repentant I am of the things I did to wrong them in any way. It is time for me to move forward though, to leave what was done, in the past. One day those friendships might rekindle, and at that moment I hope I have the capacity to be the type of friend I hadn't been. I hope I have earned the badges, and climbed the mountains I needed to, to be better to them. Until that time comes, I'm going to look forward with happiness to all the God offers me and the opportunities that lie ahead.

Gosh that feels so good.
SO GOOD!


What do you think? Do you agree? Disagree?


I wrote this, then I saw this video. I'm pretty sure this is a sign.