good: family, friend (one to be exact), scriptures, church classes, job.
Besides these things, I feel this wedge. It's dividing my heart from my body, making me feel this twisting pain inside of me. It seems insurmountable, like Mount Everest, in a storm, with no air. I feel like my feet are cemented into the ground and my arms are flailing around me.
I am not the same person I used to be. These are words I always say. Yet, I can't seem to find that new person anywhere. The person I spent my time building while living in Utah. I found her there, she was quite the gal. Bright, cheery, optimistic, high standards, independently dependent. I can picture in my mind me visiting Utah again, and I see that beautiful girl spring forth from wherever she is, and she cries tears of redeeming joy.
Right now. All I feel is heartache, and this deep dark cloud that circles over me. Just when I feel like I have turned a corner into the blue, there it is again. I feel dumb, like I am just a naive girl with no true view of reality. Like I am young, and unwise. I feel as though people see me, and say "poor thing". When people do talk to me, it seems as if they are trying to fulfill their need to empathize. I don't feel like I belong, or can even try to BE.
I know my Heavenly Father loves me, but I don't know why I let myself feel this way. No matter how many times I try to restart, revamp, and make a-new. I fail. I feel like a failure. A stuck in a deep dark cloud, failure.
Who is this person? Why are they here? How can I get rid of them?
Besides these things, I feel this wedge. It's dividing my heart from my body, making me feel this twisting pain inside of me. It seems insurmountable, like Mount Everest, in a storm, with no air. I feel like my feet are cemented into the ground and my arms are flailing around me.
I am not the same person I used to be. These are words I always say. Yet, I can't seem to find that new person anywhere. The person I spent my time building while living in Utah. I found her there, she was quite the gal. Bright, cheery, optimistic, high standards, independently dependent. I can picture in my mind me visiting Utah again, and I see that beautiful girl spring forth from wherever she is, and she cries tears of redeeming joy.
Right now. All I feel is heartache, and this deep dark cloud that circles over me. Just when I feel like I have turned a corner into the blue, there it is again. I feel dumb, like I am just a naive girl with no true view of reality. Like I am young, and unwise. I feel as though people see me, and say "poor thing". When people do talk to me, it seems as if they are trying to fulfill their need to empathize. I don't feel like I belong, or can even try to BE.
I know my Heavenly Father loves me, but I don't know why I let myself feel this way. No matter how many times I try to restart, revamp, and make a-new. I fail. I feel like a failure. A stuck in a deep dark cloud, failure.
Who is this person? Why are they here? How can I get rid of them?
as one who speaks from very similar feelings. i learned time and time again. to be patient with myself. why i guess because it shows our faith. soon this valley will be a mountain again =]
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