Consider Me Gone

As I stood at the edge of the sidewalk looking side to side at the busy street, a thought rushed into my head. What if I am always going to be this way. Walking away from things that make me nervous, that upset me endlessly. I opened up my heart and let the sadness find it's way into the deepest corners, maybe then I could understand the reasons behind all of this. Behind what is still lingering there, behind me, on the concrete. I pumped my legs forward through the intersection to the other side, and looked back at where I had been. It felt like forever, but I knew that only moments had passed. I started my way up the slight hill next to all of the store fronts and restaurants. I walked past couples eating dinner and holding hands. They had everything that I didn't.

When you decide to work on yourself before you can find or be with anyone else, you are more keen to your heart shutting down. I never wanted that feeling to encompass me again, but every now and then it does. I get jealous, I get upset, I get needy. I start to want, even when it isn't what I want or need. It takes a very strong person to leave out the things that have been taken from them when they look over their situation. I'm not strong, but I do know that I will be one day, and that day is coming soon. Ready or not, here I come.