Right This Minute

Currently;

I am sitting in my shortest dress in the kitchen trying to cool off from the heat that has overcome my apartment. The windows are open and it smells like a campfire outside. I love the smell of campfire. It reminds me of times when I was really little and my parents would take us camping. I had this long sleeve, turtle neck, pink flowered shirt that I loved, and I would pose like a model for pictures.

Tonight I got off of work at eleven and headed down the empty streets back to my apartment. The air was so warm tonight it through me for a loop. Is spring really here? Or did we skip to summer suddenly. I remember old times when I lived in Logan and would skip out of my house at midnight with Jane beside me. We would walk for hours just taking in the moonlight. It didn't feel hot, or cold, but just... complete. It was the greatest time of my life. Sadly, things aren't in a place where I could go back to those summer nights. I wish I could, but my heart is telling me it isn't time.

My shoulders are spotted with endless amounts of freckles from basking in the sun all afternoon. I am in love with the tan I am getting. It makes me happy inside to know that my body is recieving the sun so well. Even though the first few days have been utterly draining on me, I have enjoyed it. Word on the street is that there is supposed to be rain tomorrow, a 60% chance of it. I am kind of hoping for it. I feel like a little rain would do me good. Wash away my worries a little, maybe.

I can barely hold in my excitement to go and see my family this next week. I am so happy to have them in my life. My sister is pregnant and I am waiting impatiently to see her "motherly glow". My oldest sister is already a Mom to my favorite boy in the world, one who would never intentionally break my heart. Oh how I miss watching him grow up! My parents are fantastic, as always, so loving, so caring. My brothers (brother in-law's) are the best, they always give me a laugh. Especially Ross, oh gee he is funny.

I'm thinking about relationships lately. Ones I have missed the boat on, and ones that the boat is just sailing away for new shores. It makes me sad inside to know that I have done all I can do. Which isn't really much of anything. I guess there are other fishermen out at sea, and that one day, one of them will come to visit me. It just makes me sad. BUT... Things in life are good, even when I feel like they aren't. I just need to learn to dig deeper.