Being Myself, Around Guys

I'm such a girl. Good thing right? Let me tell you about how I work. When I realize I am crushing on someone, everything in me wants to tell EVERYONE I meet and scream it on the street. THIS GUY IS SO AWESOME! Even if I barely know them. The interest enough sparks moments of bliss. You think I am over-exaggerating, but I am not. So, you can imagine what my mind is saying to me when I find out there is a possibility for a relationship. Good times.

The thing is, I feel like I shouldn't get excited about it. Because what if they end up not really diggin' on me as much as they had thought they would. What if they change their mind? More then that, what if I tell people I like them, then they change their mind, and the next time I see the person I told I have to explain myself. All I really want to do is just be the person that is inside my heart. It might pan out something like this.

I would be smiling all day, and making up awesome scenarios in my head about what "could" happen. When I see that person I would be so ecstatic that it wouldn't matter how tired I was, I would try my hardest to see them at any cost. Then when people ask me about my love life, I will spill my heart to them about all the little hopes that I have. Like, I hope that he doesn't think I'm an idiot, or I hope that he asks me on a date.

(Look, I hang out with boys... you know.. sometimes.)

That is the kind of thing that would go down. Maybe, I will just be like that. I don't know, I am so scared to just be myself with this one thing. I don't really mind being myself at any other time, but with boys... BOYS!? They are so scary. So intimidating. Maybe I just need to forget about everything and let it roll... ha that won't happen. I worry too much.

(Look, more boys.. the same day.)

So... my dilemma is... I just want to be seriously stoked for everything. I want to show people how happy I am to be myself. Maybe then, I will be more attractive to "onlookers" (you know, single males) hahaha I make myself laugh. ALL THE TIME. I am a crazy.

(This is more recent... Oh Johnny!)

Oh and BTW the man of my dreams is getting married in May. I got his wedding invite in the mail today. Bummer.