Slasher

Does anyone else have no motivation at all to do anything? Or is it just me? I have so much to do it is ridiculous. I have piles and piles of homework to do, but because of my dear friends procrastination and laziness, I have yet to barely start any of it. I have 2 and a half days to get it all done, and I can think of twenty million other things I would rather do. These things include, but are not limited to...

Sticking my face in a fire and burning off my eyebrows.

Watching Hulu for hours on end.

Running along the Provo River Trail until I can't breathe.

Listen to Provo Acoustic Sessions for hours and hours on end.

Poke myself in the eye with a fork.

Listen to someone chew really annoyingly in a very quiet room until my ears bleed.

Go grocery shopping.

Go to work.

Learn how to sew a dress for church.

Learn how to play the guitar, so I can go to Logan and rock out.

Make a Snowman.

Loose all my sense of taste by eating a million jalapeno peppers.

You can decide which of those things are good, and which things are bad. Use your imagination. Basically, I would rather do ANYTHING other than homework. I do not want to learn about psychology, or anthropology, or worry about how I have to get my creative writing juices flowing because my teacher isn't clear in their assignments. I'm very upset, and I normally don't get like this.. but I can't help it. It's ridiculous. I have no motivation to do any of these things I need to do, and I know that if I just do it... I won't be upset like this anymore. Yet, instead of doing it, I am treading in shallow water, thinking that I will get somewhere if I just keep flailing my arms all over the place.

I'm not getting ANYWHERE and I am really mad at myself, because I KNOW that I am the only one who can do that to myself. I feel like a time-bomb just waiting to go off and explode all over the place, pissed, idle, vain, and ironically enough, self-loathing.

THIS is how I feel when I am in school. No matter how much I learn, I feel stupid. No matter how "good" it's supposed to be for me, it just makes me want to hide away. I have never felt like this, except for the times when I have been going to this ridiculous joke of a college.

I might take that all back one day, but for now, I'm upset.

I feel like my nickname right now should be Slasher or something, because I wouldn't be totally objected to slashing some professors tires, or my own, since this all leads back to me.

This too shall pass.