Like A Thief In The Night

Do you sometimes feel like you just can't explain anything right? Your friends ask you what's up and what's going on in your life, and you try to tell them and it just doesn't come out. I feel like that so often. I feel like, I am at a loss for words almost everyday. Right now I am going to try and explain what is going on in my head so bear with me.

I feel like, I can't trust anything. Like I can't just go along with what people say. Pretty much it's like feeling that there is a burglar outside your house 24/7. They are just waiting for you to leave, on keep a window open, so they can come in and steal all your stuff.

Then there is part of me that just wants to be so carefree and forget about that dang robber, and just let karma roll around and run him over. No lies. I just want to be that outgoing, loving, honest, dependable person that I have been trying so hard to be. I feel like I could be really good at it, but the whole fact that I don't want the "robber" to get away with anything is holding me back.

*Note to all, the robber isn't a specific person, or it isn't always a person. Sometimes it is just situations and things that make it hard. Make sense?*

I go through these sorts of moods often. I really just wonder if it's because I'm not doing what I'm supposed to, or if it's my hearts way of telling me to get out of a situation and move on. I really can't tell.

Yesterday I was so mad at myself because I am such a GIRL. The definition of Girl being, overprotective, raunchy, over-thinking, exaggerating, dissecting, piece of poo. Yeah, that was me yesterday. I hate making a big deal out of small things and I always do. WHY? Why can't I stop doing that and just move the heck on? Really though tell me why a small occasion in your life can flip flop everything around until you aren't sure if your skirt is on front-wards or backwards.

Today has just been an emotional day, like how yesterday I was yelling and screaming, but today I am crying at everything. The smallest things are making me tear up and it's just so moody. No I am not PMS'ing or anything like that, I am just crazy. I'm a woman with too many hormones maybe, but I like to think that I am just in a rut and that I will wake up tomorrow and things will be fine and dandy. Which of course wont happen, because we all make choices that affect our lives. Wether those choices are good or bad, we have to accept the consequences. If the consequence is great friendships, we live happily with it. If the consequence is destroyed hope and the rebuilding of a heart because of our decisions, we deal with it. I know what I need to do to get where I want to be but it's just the whole getting started thing. I feel like I have been stuck in one place forever. Like on terminator 2 when his arms are flying really fast when he runs but his legs aren't really going that fast. That is how it feels.