Sitting Pretty?

I'm having an off day. Could I tell you about it?

First you have to promise that if you see me, you wont bring up this post.

Second, this isn't a pity party. It's life and I will handle it.

Today I woke up, interrupting my great dream and headed out the door to watch my baby cousins. It was a good morning, I read the scriptures, and finished 2nd Nephi. The last few chapters of 2nd Nephi are beautiful and so inspiring. Talking about how we need to endure to the end, how the lord loves ALL of his children, on every continent. He truly loves each of us and wants us to return to him soon. I learned so much and felt like today was going to be a good day.

Of course I was still anxious about the fact that I had to head home and open my online campus page to do homework. I haven't looked at it since mid September when I finished my last assignments. So I knew going into it, something was going to be horrible. Nothing is due until the 11th except for one 4 page paper that is due on the 8th. I thought I knew the topic, but, come to find out it is completely different. Something about energy sources in America after 9/11. I hate searching for information on the Internet, it is so freaking ridiculous.

I came to the realization that I don't want to be in school. That I have no reason to go. Hear me out on this. I'm not sure what I am going to school for. Classes don't interest me. I don't want to be a great writer or an anthropologist. I just don't know how to get through this semester. With papers about economic crisis and stem cell research... can we please talk about something that isn't on every single high school English board from here to Connecticut? I'm done with school, I dread the days I have to wake up and learn more about US history, and it might be ignorant, but it doesn't make me happy. Do I want to work at the candle store the rest of my life? Of course not. But do I want to go to school just so that I can take general ed classes toward a major I don't want? I can't afford it, my parents can't afford it.

This might so pathetic, but I was so frustrated today. SO FRUSTRATED. So I cried, I sat on the couch and cried. Then I realized it wasn't going to stop, so I went to my room and cried until I fell asleep. I didn't feel better when I woke up, and I am even further behind on my paper. I missed a chance to go to lunch, or at least I'm sure that's what it was. I fell even further behind, because.. I can't do this on my own. I need to pray more often, I need to talk to my Father in Heaven. I just want to figure out what it is I want to do.

I just have no idea... no freaking idea.