Crying In The Car

It's not really about life being easy, if it were it would be pointless. I mean yeah, sometimes its seems like it is too hard to bare, too much of a load to carry on. That's when your friends step in. That's when God steps in. He brings in people that are willing to share the load, willing to take the punch. On occasion, when it feels like you are the only one, he wants you to remember that it wont ever be as hard for you, as it was for his son. I'm a firm believer in the quote "Time heals all wounds." There might be a second part to that quote that I am missing but, just those four words make for a better outlook on a horrible situation. Of course, I hate it when people tell me "It just takes time" but after I have had that time, I realize they were right and I no longer want to throw a rock at them.

I realized something today - in light of things that happened, and probably because I'm really emotional today- that I am nothing near perfect. I have habits I would love to change, Procrastination being one of them. I put things off until it puts others off. I can't explain why, except for that I just don't want to do those things. I'd rather not, at that moment. For however much I want to be, I'm not an adult. I don't make the right decisions, and I can't do it myself because I'm not an adult. BUT, I am becoming who I want to be. You might not see it, or notice the change, but I do.

I might be getting worse at cleaning my room, or calling the dentist, or taking out the trash. I might be horrible at making friends and keeping them. I might even say things to make myself look better.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am who I want to be in this one little corner of my life... A good friend to those who ask of it. That is all I want right now. I don't want that lady who hit me to pay for the bumper of my car because I MADE her. (I will wish I had, later.) I do not want to make myself seem interesting to people, or try hard to impress them. I just want to fix what I was breaking and then focus on something new. I can't do it all. "You might think I'm bulletproof but I'm not."- Taylor Swift.

I wish I was a multi-tasker like I used to be. I wish that I had no time to think about what I did wrong because I was so busy trying to do what was right. I wish a lot of the time that when people started to talk and yell that they would stop. Because right now, right here... I'm not listening. I'm only hearing the tone of the words and the hate of the message.

I've never held my heart so close to me before. I've never only let people scratch the surface. Come to think of it, everyone used to have a little peice of me. A little sliver of my heart that was theirs for the taking. Now that I've started to reconstruct, it seems as though the wall is the only thing getting done. It just keeps getting higher and higher.

For those of you who are having a rough day, or have had a rough day this week. Listen to me when I say, that it's all about you. It's all about you. Take the time to figure out what it is you want. What it is you really need. Seperate the two and work on one of each. Become the person you were MADE to be. The son or daughter of a King. I know I will be trying, hard as I can.