Often, Too Often

Often, when I am alone I think of the beginning of pieces to write. The first sentence, a catchy phrase, something incredibly profound and moving. You know, just the normal everyday thoughts. Sometimes, I begin blog posts and start to write and write and write, then I press back on the top left of my page and all my hard-work is gone. It is incredible how many stories I have started, yet haven't finished. Like this post, I would probably have deleted it by now if I didn't have an idea trying to push it's way through my mind.

Oh! That was it.

Most of the time, I get home from hanging out with a huge group of friends. When I leave those friends I am so tired. I beg to be inside my house and in my bed. Then, once I get there I am awake, ready to roll and ready to check all my bases on my computer. So I get online and spend an hour going over my google reader in hopes that something beautiful has been left behind from one of my blogging friends. Indeed beautiful and amazing things are to be seen. I love it.

What was my whole point in this?

My point isn't this, but it is something running in my mind. Too much of the time, when I like someone, or when someone like's me. I take the situation for granted. I try not to make a big deal out of it, that way, when it all goes down hill I'm not hurt as badly. There are times though, when I change my mind and I am left there hoping that I don't hurt them. Hurt them? Yep, I do. I tend to lead people on, even people that know I am halfway gone. How sad is that? I wish I could be more... what is the word? When you feel sorry for someone, kind of like pity, but not pity more like... "Oh I feel bad that this is happening I should do everything I can to help"- that word. I wish I could be more like that. I just can't seem to do it though. Once I am done. I'm done.

What I really wanted to get at.

Is that often, too often, I am selfish. I need to fix that.

Often, too often, I stay up too late even though I am a dead-girl walking.