You Have Beautiful Footsteps

You Have Beautiful Footsteps

You could walk around me for hours and never come close enough to touch. I would be okay with that. I would open and shut my eyes just to make sure I wasn't dreaming. It could be on the busiest street in New York in a traffic jam, horns honking, people yelling, and I could still feel your footsteps constantly hitting the earth. I could touch your breath and smell your scent.. it would be enough for me. If only you knew how hard it was to see you walk away, walk out that door and see the love built up crash down around me. I could burst out, burst into a billion pieces. My life walked out the door when your love did. I surrender. I can't keep strength. My guards are down, you have no way of finding them out. Oh misery. How I adore your company. I might as well build you a home so you have a nice place to stay. Tense, shaking, and wired. I have never been so consicous of my feet then at this moment. The instinct to run, chase, search, and find has never been so heavy. I would run 1 thousand miles or more. I would keep going. Stopping only to sit awake on the sidewalk for an hour or two and rest my weary bones. I couldn't afford to fly, or sail, or drive. I would only be able to run. Just to sit in your vicinity and hear those concrete footsteps that held me together for so long. Just to catch a glimpse of you, and make sure it was reality. Legs numb, feet blistered, sick, and tired. I wouldn't dare fall asleep. A moment in your presence is really all I need. Too bad my wishes cannot be granted, too bad I hope for impossible things, it has all gone to hell. Whatever it was. I was in love with how you always seemed like you needed me. Like you needed to be held, like you needed a kiss on those beautiful pear shaped lips. The freckle at the top of them called to me, told me that I was in the right. Oh how I adore you. Adore your every motion, your every thought. You broke my heart, but I would forgive you a thousand times. I would jump into love jump into you, all over again. It doesn't matter what people say. How they said that you never loved me, how they said that you never were sure. I can't believe them, for fear that if I did, I would start to hate. To hate your every footstep, to hate your calm deep breaths. To hate that scar on your right eyebrow and hate your barely freckled skin. I would loathe your every word and want you to pay for what you did to me. Suffocating my heart, and blurring my vision, smothering my thoughts, and making me stumble across my words. Hate you for seeing me beg and cry and think I could trust you. Yet, I could never. I could never hate you. Not in all eternity. I will always love you. Hopefully one day not as much as I do now. I won't need you anymore. I won't need you to know that I am alright. I won't need you to know that I am still here. I won't think about you everyday, and I won't worry about how you don't think of me at all. Because, where I come from love has seasons. Sometimes the winter stay through to fall but it always changes when it is supposed to. Until then, I'll be posted up right here, running in place, dreaming about how beautiful your footsteps are.

PS. I don't care how things really are for Frank, HE is a great person, really truly. If I didn't think that, then I wouldn't be still going crazy over this.