New Moon

*SPOILER ALERT*

(I don't know if this still applys since almost everyone has read the book.)

I just started to re-read New Moon today... Wow. I completely forgot how close this book is to my heart. The reasons why I didn't like it so much were huge and they still are, just not as much. BUT I promised myself that I would read with an open mind and look for the deep feeling in the book. So here I am reading New Moon and bawling my eyes out because of the situation. It's not even the fact that he actually leaves that got me so teared up it was what happened before... Read this passage:

"I was suddenly so frightened that my hands were shaking. I pressed them into my stomach to hide them, put my chin on my knees and stared at the TV screen in front of me, seeing nothing.

.....

"Don't do this." He just stared at me, and I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. He already had. "You're not good for me, Bella."

This is where I cried first. Because I have felt that way before. Seriously shaking so bad and trying to hide it. I can't believe I actually cried. That is what I am most shocked at. Me, the holder back of tears. (can you feel the heavy sarcasm? I hope so) I cry all the time so your probably thinking, hey shelby don't worry your a walking tear duct, WE UNDERSTAND. Well ya just don't know this from my perspective.

Besides this episode I just had I have realized that I am going to love reading New Moon, even if she is overly depressed and things seem horrible I am going to be so happy because I know the end. It wouldn't be worth her struggle if the ending weren't good. I mean if there was no Renesme or Cottage in the woods I would be PISSED. Even if I still consider Jacob a sicko. The whole imprinting thing is like taking "Love at First Sight" Way out of hand. Ok, ok I admit he is cute with her, and Jacob is realistic to a point, and definetly a family man. But how on earth is that going to work? I mean she is half vampire for goodness sakes. That is just a lot of power that shouldn't be given to such a small child, and well Jacob is over protective we know, but I can just feel the rage when she is older. SRSLY.

Things are going good in my life. FOR ONCE. I feel like things are going to fall back into place. Not being in school is kind of sucky, because I feel like I am falling behind. Then I realize that I need this break, there is something I am supposed to be doing right now that doesn't involve school or work or money. It just involves being happy. And it means that I have to stop listening to the people around me, because honestly, some of them are so wrong it hurts to think about it. I just know right now, what is best for me. You can tell me that I'm not adult enough or I am too immature, but I will disagree with you completely.

I love the feeling I have inside me, it's insane, like a fire in my chest. To be able to feel that is all I really need. Just as long as it's there ya know.

On a lighter note. I am watching Carter tonight and I am so excited! I have the cutest Nephew ever and no one could argue that, because I mean just LOOK at him. I also am way excited that it is Saturday because that means my weekend is beginning. Sunday and Monday OFF woooo I have work to do, but that's ok. It's better then doing nothing! :D