One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Just another day in the life. I am feeling kind of emo lately. Which is sad because a ton of great things have happened I just have been so engulfed in my own little world it's hard to see their greatness. I always end up writing one of these blogs that I say what I mean and I mean what I say, and it makes me feel better. I am not one to be so light-hearted all of the time. I am a deep person there is a lot more to me then what you see. I like sharing that, so I hope you don't mind me figuring out my thoughts on my blog. It helps me a lot.

"Some things were just never meant to be no matter how much you wish they were." - Jan from the office, playing some physciatrist lady on Gilmore Girls.

While i was watching gilmore girls yesterday/this morning. I realized how much Loreli goes through I mean getting pregnant at 16 almost marrying Christopher, moving away on her own, almost marrying Max, getting back together with Christopher, dating Jason (which was a huge mistake) then finally getting together with Luke. Breaking up with Luke, and feeling so heartbroken. Like incredibly distrot and just well, like I was. Then she got back together with Luke and then she asked him to marry her, then she finds out he has a kid and he postpones AGAIN and she just wants everything to start she wants her life to begin again. She has this amazing man, but no where to go. She is stuck. Then he struggles to say yes again and it's back to Christopher. Now we all know Luke and Loreli are together in the end. Which makes everyone hopeful as they watch her hurt, and make mistakes and marry Christopher. But, it just doesn't make sense to me.
Enough about the TV show that I have stapled myself to my house to watch, when I don't even have the final season- BUMMER. I just think this quote applies to life. I understand now that it doesn't matter how hard I wish, or how many shooting stars I see, sometimes what I WANT just isn't going to happen.
I was reading Midnight Sun *SPOILER ALERT* and I just realized how much Edward really is in love with Bella. I mean he does everything he runs away to Alaska for gosh sakes, and he doesn't even realize it at first. Then he doesn't realize how he even saw Bella as plain, or simple, because she was the love of his exsistence. I feel like Edward just was at war with himself the whole first part of the book. He just couldn't touch base with reality, not that his life is reality, but for the sake of arguement. I know, I know you think taking lessons from a book is dumb, from characters that aren't real is dumb, or from what some people believe is not a well written book. I just see it this way, if it makes me think, it's good. I buckle at the knees everytime I think about his love for her, that it is just so unreal. But is it really? I think that this love is something everyone longs for, and in my sense of belief its eternity.
"Her exsistence alone was enough to justify the creation of the whole world" - Edward Cullen
That's all you really need is someone who will say that to you, and never back out on you. Of course things happen and people have to leave, for the good of their own souls. Edward had to leave because he didn't want to put Bella in danger anymore, he was a true Martyer at that point. At least that's what I think. I know things happen, and the things you once wanted can't be what you want anymore. I understand that. People have to leave and sometimes, in this case, they come back. Other times they don't and on occasion, even if they do come back, you cannot give them your heart anymore. No matter how much you want to you just can't give yourself away anymore. It's time to move on.