OH REALITY
Sometimes life may seem a little dumb and crazy.. and then you see something like this...<<<< Internet and TACOS!! What a delight! So I had an epiphany. I have reached my final breaking point... ( I had something creative typed here but I accidently deleted it from editing my blog way too many times. So just pretend like this flows well...) I am fine and that nothing can move me because this is FATE. Well just to let you know... fate hasn't happened. It ain't all it's cracked up to be either. I thought I am going to be teaching sign language and this and that I want to travel the world and help the hungry and do hair and be with this person and never look back. Then reality hit. Everything I have ever heard from my parents has come back to haunt me... Oh yes... they are right. (in some cases.. did you really think I was going to give you ALL the credit?? hahaha) Those people I thought I could count on... not so much. This is a dog eat dog world, survival of the fittest, and only the best man wins! Ok so I only half believe in that. But what I really meant to get at, is that never decide your future. Never plan for something that is too far ahead to plan for. Something that wont happen for a couple of years.. forget about it, it isn't worth your time.
I dont understand a lot of things. When Mitchell and I broke it off, I was hurt.. I still am and things are still really hard. When everything you do reminds you of someone it sucks to not have them there to share it with you. It sucks to see the town you built fall to the ground, all the hard work and everything that you made around yourself to keep others out. That huge wall that has one door and only one key can open it, isn't going to work. You have to knock down walls, build bridges, put in a thousand doors with a hundred different locks and hope that someone has a key that will fit the right door. The one you will be waiting behind. *by george she's got it!*
So even though, times suck... people suck... and situations are horrible, I have this glimpse of hope for the future. Because I have always lived in the future. Never have I lived in the past or in the present. Just way way far ahead of what I need at that moment. Right now... I just want to quit, and let everything around me just stop and fall. But what about the people I promised a home? What about the people I promised to keep safe? What about the things I have promised myself? I have built little houses, and stores in hopes that someday I will fill them with great treausers. Heavenly Father has helped me, he has never abandoned me, he has always been there, helping me build and build and build. Even after all the avalanches and earthquakes have knocked down my walls and crushed my doors.
SO who wants me to move in with them? hahaha Utah.. anywhere in Utah... Kacey?? Do you want an in-home nanny? Because I am begging to relocate! :D JK but seriously....That's it! That is reality! As far as I know, as much as I realize...
So yesterday Danielle and I went to Vons and while we were there we saw this huge black guy, like really really tall. Neither of us said anything about it until we were at the register across from him the convo went like this..
Danielle: Did you see that SHAQ was here?
Me: Oh yeah I saw him earlier.. no biggie..
Dani: We should ask him for his autograph.
Me: We should.. I don't have any paper...
Dani: (still talking to me)Hey SHAQ! Will you sign my arm?
Me: Better yet... HEY SHAQ!! Will you sign my chest??!
Turns out we didn't ask the guy, even though we really wanted to.. maybe if we had made cookies before we went to the store we would have been hyped up enough to ask. :D Oh and did you know that SHAQ drives an Infinity?! Crazy....
Yesterday was also my last day of English class. I had a paper due on Physician Assisted Suicide. I chose this topic because it was kind of interesting. When you hear the word Suicide you run but when you put physician assisted in there people tend to automatically discard the idea. When in actuality it isn't a bad thing. I mean, I think heavenly father would tell you if it was ok. For those of us we believe in that sort of thing. All I know is that if I were diagnosed with a terminal illness and projected 6 months to live, and I was wasting away in pain in a hospital room for the last six months of my life. I would rather hasten the ending. Because who doesn't want to go to heaven right? I definetly do. If my journey on earth was through and I wasn't going to be able to do much else I wouldn't want to suffer physically and mentally for the last moments of my life. I would rather take the medication myself and be done with it. I guess that is just my perspective. Let me know what you think! :D
i think.....that shaq prolly needs a big car to fit in because HECK if you haven't noticed! HES HUGE! I think an infinity was a good pick. Reality is a harsh word i decided. it conveys no compassion. its straight up tart! its like sticking a lemon right in your mouth and you can't help but skowl and then the sides of our tongue kinds hurt (we learned that in anatomy..thanks to hageness:]) then all of a sudden have insane amounts of saliva you don't know what to do with! thats like reality...insane amounts of "holy crap thats life!!!" running through your mind. ya thats what i think. lol you did a good just of explaining.
ReplyDeleteyou basically summed up the whole reality part of it. i think its pretty sucky how even the wisest people don't realize how harsh life is until they go through some life altering and heart wrenching experience. Even tho those experiences will probly be insanely insignificant in the future that doesn't mean they don't suck now. I'd like to meet the person who thinks they realize how reality really works before a heart wrenching experience. I think i would just pat them on the back and say "just wait my dear, i pray that one day you won't have to figure it out." because in all honesty who really wants to figure it out. Why can't we all just live in simple naive bliss. our innocence has been stolen Shelby. we now know the true circle of life. if only we could've learned it fromthe lion king when we were 8..then maybe it wouldn't suck so bad. I love you tho. and that's one of the only things that keeps reality in tact: good friends and family. Also the assisted suicide thing is interesting..i think i'd like to read your paper on it.
ReplyDeleteI would love for you to move in here, I would love a live-in!! :) I can't pay you though, so that might suck. You sure can come visit and hang out in good old St. George if you want.
ReplyDeleteReality sucks!! But sadly, even if we don't want them to (like breaking up with a boyfriend, or having boy #4) all things happen for a reason. They are all part of his plan, and as much as we think we would want them to be different, someday we will be happy that those things happened. It is very hard to understand as you are sitting smack-dab in the middle of all of it, but one day we will understand, and kick ourselves for not having more trust in Him. (Now hows that for preachy?)
And seriously, you are more than welcome to come chill here for a while. I have no extra beds, but I do have a rockin air matress, and a toy room you could borrow. But you will see that your problems are the same in Utah, as they are in Vegas. Sorry. Hows that for a reality check?