Anxious
I currently hate my blog layout, but I have blog changing layout ADD so I can't change it again, that will be the third time this week. I need help.
I have decided I need to see a shrink. Are they expensive? Because I think one would help a lot. I just want to say everything that is in my head but I can't. Have you ever wanted to scream at the top of your lungs until they burst? I have. I did once, obviously they didn't burst, but my singing has never been the same.
What do I do? I feel like I am stuck. Going nowhere and just losing traction. Like when you are trying to climb down a mountain and you know that if you take that next step the gravel will slip and you will go tumbling down. You can't sit down on your butt and slowly go down because there are stickers underneath you. If you step back you will fall forward face first. I hate that feeling. The feeling that you are about to fall, whether it is literally or mentally, it really sucks. It makes no sense.
I feel so dumb, but so justified at the same time. Like when you know your right, in your head, but your heart is saying your so stupid. That is what I feel like.
I feel like I am screaming but no one is listening, when they really are and I just can't see it. Not even that I can't more that, I won't.
I want out so bad it's killing me. Have you ever played Sardines? It's when one person hides then everyone tries to find them, and when they do find them they hide with them. Then at the end you have like 8 people in your hiding spot, which is small to begin with. I feel like I am playing that game and like we are in a closet. Claustrophobia is endless torture to me. Because even when I am not in a small place, if I think hard enough I will be.
I know, you think I am weird and just thinking too much and your right. I am weird, but that i ok. I do think too much and it isn't a good thing. Did you know that my dreams almost always have to do with the people who are the biggest part of my life, at that time. They are those people, just in someone elses body. I feel so comfortable with person A if they are in person B's body. If it was just person A I would run away. That's why my dreams are so sad, because its like person B becomes person A so in real life, I run away from them too. Because they aren't what I want. Understand??
I am crazy... inside. CRAZY.
Tonight was crazy....
Tomorrow will be crazy....
I am poor....
:D Happy Snow Day
I have decided I need to see a shrink. Are they expensive? Because I think one would help a lot. I just want to say everything that is in my head but I can't. Have you ever wanted to scream at the top of your lungs until they burst? I have. I did once, obviously they didn't burst, but my singing has never been the same.
What do I do? I feel like I am stuck. Going nowhere and just losing traction. Like when you are trying to climb down a mountain and you know that if you take that next step the gravel will slip and you will go tumbling down. You can't sit down on your butt and slowly go down because there are stickers underneath you. If you step back you will fall forward face first. I hate that feeling. The feeling that you are about to fall, whether it is literally or mentally, it really sucks. It makes no sense.
I feel so dumb, but so justified at the same time. Like when you know your right, in your head, but your heart is saying your so stupid. That is what I feel like.
I feel like I am screaming but no one is listening, when they really are and I just can't see it. Not even that I can't more that, I won't.
I want out so bad it's killing me. Have you ever played Sardines? It's when one person hides then everyone tries to find them, and when they do find them they hide with them. Then at the end you have like 8 people in your hiding spot, which is small to begin with. I feel like I am playing that game and like we are in a closet. Claustrophobia is endless torture to me. Because even when I am not in a small place, if I think hard enough I will be.
I know, you think I am weird and just thinking too much and your right. I am weird, but that i ok. I do think too much and it isn't a good thing. Did you know that my dreams almost always have to do with the people who are the biggest part of my life, at that time. They are those people, just in someone elses body. I feel so comfortable with person A if they are in person B's body. If it was just person A I would run away. That's why my dreams are so sad, because its like person B becomes person A so in real life, I run away from them too. Because they aren't what I want. Understand??
I am crazy... inside. CRAZY.
Tonight was crazy....
Tomorrow will be crazy....
I am poor....
:D Happy Snow Day
shelby i just like you... and i have decided i like that avril lavagne( or however you spell her ridiculous last name)... I almost want to say i know what you are going through, but of course i do not.. ha ha... so by saying that i would probably be lying... so... ha ha ha i don't know! good luck! and seriously if you ever need, want, or think you need or want to talk... i am here, except dont call me till after friday, cuz i dont have my phone till then, i love you and good night
ReplyDeleteYo crazy kid, you make my head hurt with how much you think! How can one person think so many different things at once. I've told you before I think you just need to relax and you will be ok, just go with the flow my favorite little sister. I think that you are a ROCKSTAR! You are an amazing kid don't forget it!
ReplyDeleteWas it when you screamed PENIS last night when you lost your voice?? haha jk jk i prolly shouldn't type words like that on a blog comment:] oh well. Last night was crazy and tonight will be too cuz thats just the people we are..CRAZY!
ReplyDeleteno it wasn't from playing the penis game, which sounds so dirty when we talk about it online. But, we all know it isn't. It is just a childhood game almost everyone played. Especially while walking home from the bus stop. hahahaha
ReplyDelete*snickers* tee hee hee. you said penis...
ReplyDeletehaha. i love ur blogs shelby
Now I know we are related! I think way to much too, and it is never about the good. I constantly dwell on the negative. Like my life right now, I have so much to be thankful for, but in my head the bad outweighs the good and therefore I make myself CRAZY! I know I try to sound so insightful on your blog, and try to be a rock, while really I am a sponge and I can help others way more than I could ever help myself.
ReplyDeleteSo here is my insight for today...Just be young, and enjoy life, because when you grow up, there is no turning back. Enjoy YOU! You are great, and you know it!
Amen to Kacey!
ReplyDeleteya just be like me and stay super busy so you never have time to think...it works good for me! hang in there girl...you've got a lot of poeple who love you and would help in any way!
ReplyDelete