The Best Things In Your Life Are Worth Finishing

I've been spinning the thoughts around in my head for days. What do I do now? School of course. Yet, I don't know if it's really that simple. Maybe it's just too close to that time of month where my hormones rage uncontrollably, or maybe I'm overreacting. I'm not sure which it is, but today as I was asked, "What are your goals?" my heart just felt defeated. I wanted to cry and punch something, then soak my sorrows in a huge pool of hot chocolate...extra whipped cream please! From this I'm guessing it's both of my guesses.

Despite the chronic unsteadiness of my life decisions, I feel really shaken up about this. This is REAL LIFE. When did I think it was a game? Because all this stuff counts and I'm just so uneasy about it all that it's killing me. Throwing caution to the wind has left me very far south of where I hoped I would be. Now, I have some decisions to make. School? Yes. No? Maybe in a few years... Who knows! Not me.

When I had first arrived home my room was a disaster. My nephew Carter came to the house and said, "Aunt Shelby your room is really messy, you need to get yourself together." Oh. Well... I didn't think I would get such a rude awakening from a then 5 year old. If he said that to me now, I would burst into tears. Those heaving and sobbing tears, you know the kind, where you are pretty sure you are going to throw up. I would scream through the gasps of air... I KNOW! I KNOW!!!! I know NOTHING!!!

Yikes, picturing that is very disturbing.

My life is not at all how I pictured it to be coming home from my mission. I don't even want to tell you what I pictured because it will sound like an eight year old girl telling you how her wedding will be, so naive. Full of prayer and meditation and A LOT LESS TV. Oh how mistaken I was! Oh the cunning plan of the evil one!

The only limitations we have in this life are the ones we set for ourselves. We are only limited if we decide to be, if we say, "HEY! No way... you can't do that. Don't even think about it." or the even more cunning and evil one, "You can't do it. You aren't good enough, don't even consider trying. Just think about how awesome it would be if you could then remember... YOU CAN'T!" So evil, so twisted.

I still have no idea what I want to do or how I want to do it. I do however have an idea of the love that God has for me. I know that he loves me. I have an idea of the support that is behind me as I make big decisions, even though some pillars seem faulty sometimes, I know that I have a safe place to stand. Things will work out, they always do and they always will.

The End.