27 Years

Today is my 27th birthday. I always thought that people were crazy when you asked them how old they were and they had to think about it, but now I know what that’s like. Well actually, it started when I turned 26, all of a sudden I had to think about it. That or, I just told people 25 because I wasn’t one hundred precent sure.

I’ve learned recently that there are a lot of people in this world who just don’t care for birthdays. They don’t really celebrate and they don’t want to make a big deal out of it. Despite having the opposite opinion, I respect their wishes to not go hog wild about their birthday. I just think that another year of life is so exciting. To me, a birthday is a better beginning than January first. It is an entirely new year for YOU and it is specific to your life. Something else I have learned is that my life, the little mundane things, and the big exciting things - matters. It all leads up to a bigger thing.

I really don’t know what that bigger thing is, but I know it’s important, I can feel it in my bones. Do you ever feel things in your bones? Just feel the feels? It is so hard to explain, but it is there. Some days, I don’t want to feel the feelings, I push them aside and just live on auto-pilot, and that is something I want to change. I want to desire to feel all the emotions and things all of the time. I want to take the simple every day and make it into something. Even if that something is that the day is hard and horrible, I want to be ok with that and talk about it. Life is not life if it is not lived fully.

As I prepare for my new year of life I have come to the conclusion that the worst that can happen is that I feel something hard or horrible. That’s the worst. And man, it will be hard and horrible, but maybe my hard and horrible can help someone else. Maybe the clenching of my chest when I walk into a room of people is an opportunity to put fingers to keys and write about it so someone else doesn’t get scared that they are the only one. Maybe, the lonely walks at night are times for me to think of how to explain that it is ok to be alone, to be on your own, it is ok, I truly believe that and one day- I will know how to explain why.

But you know what else can happen? Something great and glorious. Something that just makes the best feelings corse through you and helps you to see the sun rise on the cloudiest day. Oh man, if I could have just a sensation of that feeling.

It will come to pass! For all of us.

So here is to year 27. To kicking ass, being happy, and figuring out how to show the world what I’m made of!



Photo Cred: Heidi T - She made all my dreams come true, I'm a Gilmore Girl!