A Grain of Perfection

There isn't much I can say. 


I mean, I feel completely unable to give advice. I have never really felt this way, so incapable of testifying.


Advice isn't always testimony but more often than not it is. And it's rich. Advice is rich. Giving it makes me feel like a million dollars. I've been accused multiple times of trying to fix people. When really, I just like to tell them what I know. My thoughts aren't selfish all the time, they kind of just weigh heavily into the fact that, I know from experience.

But with recent events, I found myself unfit to give advice, or testify. Although I knew the right way, I had chosen a different path and that path lead me to a brick wall with the word, FAITH etched into it. Standing there at the end of the road, I saw the metaphorical word, on the metaphorical brick wall; faith. I had to have faith to get over, around or anywhere away from that great wall of brick. The hard thing is, fear and faith cannot coexist. And so.... I sunk into myself and started to question, why?

Now before anyone thinks this is all about a boy, or a relationship, let me stop you right there. I want you to understand something; even if this were all about a love-lost, it would still make a difference.

Back to it...

Why? Because you chose to walk a path that you knew full well lead to destruction. And because you chose it, you have to fix it. Of course, you can't fix it alone can you? Who can? No one. Not a single person that is living on this earth today can fix all of their problems by themselves, and why is that? Why is it, that after thousands upon millions of experiments we still can't find scientific solution to all of our challenges?

Because we are not God.

I believe in a Heavenly Father, a God who, above all other things, loves us.

Somehow, someway, there is a bigger being who took the time to create each and every one of us individually, and he loves us. I don't know how he did it, or why, but I know he did. For the past six months I have torn myself apart believing that I was not loved or wanted, or cared for, by him because of decisions I had made, and for what? Why? Because somewhere deep down inside of me, despite all of my flaws and mistakes, there is a grain of perfection. I have something in me that is perfect, we all do, the reason being; God. He made us, and he does not make mistakes. This meant that I had something to fight for.

So when I traveled down that road and got to that wall of faith, I thought to myself, "I never wanted to be here." I struggled, oh how I continue to struggle. I morn each day for what-might-have-been, because I know I can be perfect, and I know that getting to that point meant, I was much further from perfection than I planned to be.

There is no excuse for sin. None whatsoever. There is only faith. Faith has the ability to move mountains, and I don't think God meant that we'd be rearranging the earth's surface when he created faith. He gave us a principle, first above all, which helps us overcome our challenges. It doesn't make them disappear, or get smaller, it helps us get bigger and stronger, so that in the end we come out victor.

I'm not over my challenges. I still feel a little weary giving advice or testifying, but I've heard that when we do testify, our sins are forgiven. So, this is my testimony; God is real, he loves us, and he has given us the principle of faith to strengthen and lift us in times of sorrow and weakness. We each have a grain of perfection within us that is waiting to be multiplied upon, because one day, we will become like God, and what a day it will be.