A Letter To The Man Upstairs

I stayed home again today. No school, no work, and I still feel nauseous. I hate that feeling. Hate, hate, hate it. I did however accomplish a major feat today. I completed my entire study guide for my History 102 class in, get this, SIX HOURS. Yep, it took me long enough but I got that sucker DONE. Now all I have to do is read over it multiple times before Thursday. Here's to hoping I pass with at least a B. AT LEAST.

I have been slacking a lot lately. I don't remember the last time I actually sat down and delved into the scriptures, or really talked to God. Sometimes I think to myself, he will understand, he knows I love him and that I need him.. he also knows I need sleep and rest. Too bad that's not how you get to the celestial kingdom. I feel horrible typing this out, but I have to put it somewhere. I'm definitely not perfect, not even close. I'm not even close to being worthy of greatness. At this point, I need to just give in and stop fighting and truly humble myself to the fact that I cannot do this alone. Which, of course, is something I've known all along.

So here's to life getting better over the next couple of weeks, and trying to repurpose myself so that I can achieve my goals. I'm not sure if my goals are the same as they were yesterday or this morning, but I know that they will be worth reaching. Sometimes, I think that life would be so much easier if I was just already THERE.

Random thought, I know.

Anyways. This is my little letter to God to tell him how much I love him, and his son, Jesus Christ.

Dear God,

I know you are there listening to me think about this in my head, you can also hear me read this over again, out loud before I hit publish. I want you to know that I am thankful for you. I am thankful for my health, first off, because the lack of it I have had the past couple of days. I am thankful for my family for putting up with my snotty behavior and letting me say rude things to them. I'm thankful to you for forgiving me of those things, because I promise to try my hardest to not do them anymore. Just like you forgive me of all my trespasses, if I forsake them. Father, I love you. I'm sorry for not being the best example, or teacher, or daughter. I can do better, and we both know that. Please understand that I am trying. I really truly am trying so hard.

Father, if I could in this moment just ask for something, humility, and the grace to deal with it.

Without this gospel that I believe in I would be no one. I would be chugging along and an uneven pace making no progress. And even though I have fallen very far behind, I know that through you I can regain my composure and get back up and try again. I am most grateful for your Son Jesus Christ and his sacrifice, a perfect life, given to all, so that they might live again. He has sacrificed for my sins, and my sorrows, for my trails and my experiences. He knows how I feel and knows how to help me through his perfect example. Thank you for having the strength to turn your eye to his pain and let him make way for your eternal plan of happiness.

There is nothing I know more than this. I end this letter in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ Amen.

With Love, Shelby Lou