The Silence of a Lamb

Often there are times when I feel like I just need to find someone who is completely mute and sit them down on a chair and then walk around them. Screaming and talking and pacing and punching and kicking at the air. I will cry, I will laugh, I will get very very mad and upset, then I will be incredibly happy. All at once, and they wont say a thing. They will giggle when I do, and their jaw will drop at the insanity that flows from my lips and they will do a very convincing "psh" when I say I am not good enough. I wont have to listen to them, because it will be all about me. Selfish and self centered, me. Maybe after I am done ranting I will let them talk, but that is still being decided. Until then, there is you... the reader on the other side of the computer. The person who decided to blog hop onto my page and have gotten past the excessive coma's and the longer then supposed to be paragraphs.

I... LOVE.... riding on motorcycles. Ever since the first night I took a spin on one I have had day dreams of them, and nightmares too. Whenever I climb onto a motorcycle and clutch my spaghetti thin arms around the driver I automatically go into panic mode. I'm going to die, we are going to crash, why is he going so gosh darn fast?! I come up with every possible scenario, the break wont work, a car will run a red light, the tire will burst. Everything. Then, I step off. I am flying, soaring and realizing that, that was amazing. That was truly inspired and totally beautiful. Gliding and cruising. I loved it. That is how excitement works for me. I don't loose myself in the moment. I wont admit it was amazing and totally worth the kicking and screaming until AFTER I have convinced myself that I am still breathing and that , yes in fact I am walking. It is an out of this world feeling, and I am so glad I had the opportunity to take part in it again tonight.

How do I get myself in these situations? Where I am the one wondering around hoping for something good to pop out of no where. I look at other people's lives and I see what they take for granted and I promise myself I will never do the same. Yet as soon as something amazing or seemingly worth while comes along I forget what I learned. WE forget what we learn. We forget those things we saw happen to others and we forget those pet peeves that we had about other people's relationships. Because love is blind. Remember? Love is blind.

More then anything I just want to be able to go anywhere and do anything. I would love to skip from town to town, city to city, and just do odds and ends jobs. I would love to go places and serve the needy and take care of the sick. It would make me so happy if I could talk all about the places I've been and the things I've seen. Simple things, and unglamorous things. For example, working at Sizzler. I love to tell people all about the things I learned and how really truly great it is. Even if, at the time I thought it was ridiculous. It made me so happy for what I experienced and the things I did, and the things I decided not to do.

The Omish don't use cameras, they don't play music (correct me if I'm wrong). What would life be like without pictures or music? Without great photos of great times and sad ones. Without piano keys, or the strumming of guitar strings? What a lonely place that would seem. I suppose if you hadn't been exposed to those things it wouldn't be half bad. You wouldn't know what you were missing. I just don't understand, how could something so beautiful come to be so harmful to a culture?

I guess I do understand, I just don't know if it is good enough reasoning.

You know when bad things are getting easier to forget when you only remember the things that made you the happiest. It's like you are having a memory of a time in your life when you made some mistakes and all you can see are the great experiences and the happiness that happened along the way. Who says you can't make mistakes and still have happy moments. God wouldn't completely shut you out. You might just have not realized them because your heart was so clouded with negative energy. You know, ENERGY like an ora, or your soul.

I hope everyone has a positive and loving energy today...

I want to thank my sister Jordan for guest blogging for me while I was gone. She wrote a truly inspiring post about hope and I "hope" to have that post be the kick off to a great series here on my blog. I'm trying to be professional about it so we will see how things turn out. ;) Jordan, you rock, and I wish the best for you and all that you HOPE for. :D