Holy Terror

Dear Mom with Children,

I understand life is tough, and that sometimes your kids are a little out of hand. I understand that you have had it up to about 8 foot 9 inches when it comes to screaming children. I know you are through with the days of trying to keep them quiet and not letting them run-a-muck. Who wouldn't be? Because seriously, your job is hard. You are with them all day long, especially when they are only one and four. The day cares are dangerous places, and from my view of things.. a stay at home mommy is what you SHOULD be. If you want to disagree, go ahead you have all the right to.

This is one thing, I just don't understand.

I hear you outside telling your son that, behind that door of magic fun is a place filled with glass and that he is only allowed to look, and not touch.. a thing in the store. You figure that holding the baby will be good enough, but you don't think twice as she is squirming in your arms. The door opens and there it is the place you have been meaning to get to all week, but you just haven't found the time. You think to yourself. FINALLY, then you hear a clank and a "Mommy smell this!" and all your happiness is void.

Personally speaking I don't mind trying to pacify your child while you shop. But still I am afraid that you could be one of those mom's that if I tell him NO you will flip a lid. Because that is YOUR CHILD and you WILL NOT BE HAVING ANY OF THAT! So I try to stay calm as he reaches for another candle with a barely opened lid. The candle slips from his peanut butter stained fingers and you hear the clank. Of course it isn't broken because, my dear... you are lucky. But he is moving so fast and laughing in such an evil tone that you aren't sure what to do.

So I bring out the big guns. I bring out the tester cents that are in pint size containers and just big enough to fit his tiny palm. You relax a couple of notches and stare at me with thankful eyes. Only for a moment, before you realize that your baby girl has taken a candle off the shelf and replaced it with your car keys. You run fast enought to catch it before it falls, and I wish I could yell nice save. But the superbowl isn't showing in the candle store, so we are both out of luck.

Finally, it is time to leave. You are handing me your credit card when all of a sudden the store is "too quiet". Yes your son opened the door and yes your one year old daughter is half-way across the parking lot. But, because you have been gifted with super mom talents you are able to pluck her from the street and bring her back to safety. This continues as you ask me multiple questions about your purchase and try to confirm that through this time, of holy terror -ness you have been somewhat smart. I understand, and I reassure you.

I give you mad props mom. I do. I just wish your child didn't have an evil laugh, and that you had brought your stroller in. It would have fit I PROMISE. Just remember next time, that I really love kids, but I don't know if I am allowed to love yours. So when I tell you the littlest one is out in the middle of the parking lot... it's only because I can't run out there myself that she has gotten that far.

Respectfully yours,

Shelby - aka the candle lady.